Stand Alone
by foxface123
Summary: The Tokyo Ghoul story through Hide's eyes. It starts from when he and Kaneki were children, to his last appearance in the manga. "Kaneki..." Hide's heart beat fast as he knelt in front of his friend once again. "Do you think that you can go all out for me, just one last time?" *Special thanks to Wolfcarnage.


**I always try to over-analyze Hide's character and make my own backstory, lol. Hide seems like a sad person. And I'm always really curious as to what's underneath that smile. It's one of those time skip stories. SORRY. I feel like doing one of these.**

 **/**

He was always dark and heavy. It felt like someone was pressing down on his chest and constantly clinging to his back. It got to where he could barely breathe. It was hard to ignore. It made it hurt to smile.

But he smiled anyways.

* * *

"You're always alone by yourself, huh?"

The little dark haired boy jolts upon hearing Hide's voice. He peeks up from his book. Hide didn't mean to scare him, but the others kids were on the playground and he figured this would be as good a time as ever to finally speak to this kid. The one who's always sitting in the corner, silent. Who doesn't seem like they really want to be there, and at the same time doesn't want to leave.

"I-I, um..."

"It's okay!" Hide puts his arms up on the kids desk. "I don't have many friends either. I just moved here. My names Hideyoshi Nagachika! You can call me Hide for short. Nice to meet you."

"Oh! My name's Kaneki Ken." The kid smiles and Hide suddenly feels nervous. "Nice to meet you as well, Hide."

The kid, Kaneki, sets his book down and Hide gets a look at the cover.

* * *

"Oi, Kaneki, pick up the phone!" Hide whines, hitting the END button on his phone. "God, don't make me walk to your house..."

Hide was nervous about their first day of Middle School, but his friend didn't seem to be awake. He couldn't go by himself! And he knew Kaneki would be even more terrified than he was.

He grabs his bag and tries to button up his uniform. Hide rushes to the door and opens it, surprised when he sees Kaneki standing there. His nerves flare up and he clears his throat. Kaneki looks a little flushed, and Hide guesses that his friend ran there.

"You ready?" He asks, joining his friend outside.

Kaneki shakes his head rapidly. Hide twitches his lips into a smile and puts his hand on Kaneki's shoulder.

"It's okay, Ken!" He exclaims, pushing his own worries aside to comfort his friend. "You'll be okay."

Kaneki nods and matches Hide's smile. Hide relaxes.

As long as Kaneki smiled, he could smile too.

* * *

Hide liked boys.

It scared him a little bit. He thought it was a weird thing, to like guys. Shouldn't he be turned on by breasts, not pecks? He couldn't help it. And the worst part was, he didn't know if he should tell Kaneki. He didn't want his friend to think he was weird. And he didn't want his friend to be uncomfortable.

Because Hide didn't want Kaneki to think he liked him. Hide _didn't_ like Kaneki.

And, he decided, he didn't like boys either.

* * *

It was one of those days when he didn't really want to do anything. He felt very exhausted. Kaneki texted him a few times, but his phone had fallen to the floor, and he was too tired to pick it up.

Hide was angry with himself for being so down. What if Kaneki wanted to hang out? Was he just going to leave his friend in the dark?

But then again, there were probably times where Kaneki left Hide in the dark. Clueless and confused.

Maybe Kaneki should feel that way sometimes.

* * *

"I don't know." Kaneki shrugs. "Festivals aren't really my thing."

"Come on, Ken." Hide slaps his hand on Kaneki's shoulder. "It will be fun! You need to go out and socialize."

"Me? Why?"

"To get the ladies, huh?" Hide puts up a sly grin. "Riiight, Ken? Right? I know you have a crush on that one girl, Yuki-something."

"Yukika-san... A-And I don't even like her."

"Ehh, but you just said her name?"

"Shut up!"

Hide noticed Kaneki's blush and got that weird, nervous feeling he gets around Kaneki. It bothered him. He didn't like it at all. It made him angry and he wanted to go back home.

"Let's go, okay?" Hide encourages Kaneki with a smile. "It will be good for you."

It will be good for both of them.

* * *

When he heard about his grandfather's death, Hide didn't feel sad. But that was confusing to Hide. Shouldn't you feel sad when a relative dies?

He was only eight years old when his mom came in and told him the news. She cried, and he could feel her tears landing down on his face. He didn't really know how to react. So he held his mother and tried his best to cry with her.

Kaneki came with them to the funeral. He cried when he saw Hide and hugged him. Kaneki held his hand when they watched as his grandfather's casket was shut and they all stood around it. When he looked over at his friend, Kaneki was sobbing hysterically, and Hide felt a strong attachment to him at that moment. He knew Kaneki lost his mother. He had already been through this. The thought broke Hide's heart.

He squeezed Kaneki's hand and told him it would be okay.

* * *

"A date?" Hide didn't like the sound of that. "With Yu-caca-san?"

"Mm!" Kaneki was smiling. "And it's Yukika-san, Hide..."

"Where are you going to take her?" Hide asked, trying to not sound upset. It was his own fault. He made Ken go to the festival. So why was he surprised when Kaneki and that girl hit it off?

"I was thinking Big Girl..." Kaneki waves his hands, seeing Hide's shocked face. "B-But then I decided against it! That's our place, right, Hide?"

"Yeah." Hide looks away for a second. "Why don't you take her somewhere new?"

"That's a great idea. But where?"

"I don't know." A fly buzzes in front of his face and he swats at it. "I guess you have some research to do, huh, Ken?"

"I guess so." Kaneki stands. An awkward silence falls between them before he speaks. "I'll text you later, okay?"

Hide nods and doesn't look as his friend walks away. When he was sure Kaneki was gone, he rest his head on the table and clutched his chest. His heart hurt.

* * *

 **From:** hideyoosh007

 **To:** takayar

 **Subject:** Absences.

Takaya-sensei,

Please excuse my absences! I know I've been gone a lot, but my parents and I haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately. It's been hard to get to school, so I end up missing first class.

I'll come in for tutoring and make-up work this afternoon!

JA!- Hideyoshi

* * *

Hide's mom made him angry sometimes.

It was like, she didn't get that he needed space. He was about to start going to High School. He couldn't keep being bothered by her, he had to focus. And she always held him up in the mornings because they always ended up fighting over tedious things.

She thought she knew everything, but she _didn't._ Hide wasn't sure how much more he could put up with.

* * *

"Hey, Hideyoosh!" Teppei slings an arm over Hide's shoulders. "You gonna join a club for High School next year? I was thinking Tennis."

"Maybe." Hide shrugged him off jokingly. He didn't like being touched. "Probably not Tennis now, though."

Teppei laughs. "Don't be an ass. Oy, oy, Hideyoshi, did you hear? That exchange student totally likes you."

"Me?" Hide tilts his head a bit. "You're joking."

"No, I'm not. I heard from Sakura-san. She said they were talking in the girls bathroom, and that the foreign girl said she thought you were cute... and funny!" Teppei slings his arm over Hide's shoulder again. "You should ask her out."

Hide shrugs him off. "Maybe I will."

* * *

"It didn't work out." Kaneki blinked hard. "With Yukika-san..."

Hide wanted to feel happy. But he knew his friend was about to start crying then and there. So, he put on a sad face, and patted Kaneki on the back. "You can do better than her, Ken."

"I know." Kaneki wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "S-She told me I was too..."

"'Too' what?"

"T-Too..." Kaneki started to sob. "Girly."

Hide wanted to laugh at the irony of it. "You're not girly, Ken! You're just... effeminate."

"That doesn't help!"

"Sorry..." Hide chuckled. "Look, you wanna go grab a burger? At Big Girl? It's been a while."

Kaneki sniffed and finally looked up at Hide. His eyes were puffy, but he smiled anyways. "Mm."

* * *

His mom was yelling at him again. This time, it was because he said he was going to be late because of tutoring. She started going off on a tangent, going from being late, to everything else Hide does wrong.

"Maybe if you picked up a little the place wouldn't look like such a pig-sty!" She slammed her wooden spoon on the table. "Do you hear me, Hideyoshi? You have to take some responsibility around here! Why don't you ever walk your sister to school? Instead, you walk that Kaneki boy. Don't you care what could happen to her?"

"Mom." Hide says. "Kaneki and I go to the same school. Of course we walk together."

"I feel like you care more about that Ken boy then your own family!"

"Well maybe I do!" Hide was starting to get angry as well.

His mom's face got all red, making her brown hair look darker. "Do you think Kaneki would have talked to his mother this way?"

"You started it!" Hide stood and faced his mother. "You always start it!"

"Don't raise your voice at me, Hideyoshi!"

"Why can you yell at me, but I can't yell at you?" Hide was starting to tear up in frustration. "I'm always wrong, aren't I? I can _never_ be right! It's so fucking hard with you-"

His mother cuts him off with a slap. She looked furious.

"I'm going to school." Hide scooped up his bag and left quietly. His cheek stung and he couldn't stop a few tears from dripping down off his chin. His mom stopped him by grabbing his elbow.

"Hide..." She made him look at her. "I'm sorry. I don't want to start the day like this."

"You already did."

* * *

It was Miso Ramen for lunch today. Hide didn't feel like eating, but he knew Kaneki would think something was up if he didn't. So, he got a bowl anyways.

"Are you ready for the end-of-year exams?" Kaneki asked, breaking his chopsticks.

"Totally." Hide smiled. "Are _you_ ready? You seem nervous."

"Of course I'm nervous."

"Worst case, you fail!"

"Thanks, Hide..."

"Anyways," Hide picked up his own chopsticks. "It's not like you won't be able to go to High School even if you fail. So don't worry about it."

Kaneki still looked anxious. Hide wished he could just press a button and make all of Kaneki's fears go away. He hated seeing him all riled up and worried.

"Don't worry about it Ken!" He cuts his egg in half. "You're going to do great."

* * *

She didn't even say anything. Just held out this envelope to him. Her head was down and her blonde hair was covering her face.

"Is that for me?" He asked her. She nodded tightly and he took it from her hands gently. She didn't run off like you see in the movies. She stood there, waiting for his response as he opened the letter to read it. It must have been a foreign thing, waiting for an answer. It was really brave of her.

The letter was really simple and made him smile. The Hiragana was rough but he could read it.

 _Dear Nagachika-kun,_

 _Please go out with me?_

 _-Sarah_

"Sa... Sa-rah?" He said her name awkwardly. He could see her tense up, her face getting red. She nodded again.

"I... My name is _Sarah_." She blushed even more at her choppy Japanese. "L-Like... Um..."

"That's cool!" Hide decided to cut her off and save her. He talked slower so she could understand better. "The name, I mean."

She smiled. And then waited again.

Hide sighed and rubbed his neck. "So... When do you want to go out?"

* * *

They were going to the park.

He thought it was kind of lame. But, he didn't really want to be there anyways, and he _was_ trying to get her to not like him. He figured if they went on a boring, horrible date, she'd tell all the girls about it and he wouldn't have to worry about being asked out by any of them.

He wore a short-sleeved orange shirt and some shorts. It was starting to get more hot outside, since summer-time was in two weeks. He thought it was really bad timing for her to have asked him out. They might not even go to the same High School. And with summer coming, they wouldn't have any excuses to not see each other. What horrible luck.

"Nagachika-kun." She surprised him. He didn't hear her walk up.

She was wearing a light blue colored dress. Her hair was up in a bun and she had a small coin purse in her hands. She was already blushing.

"Yo, Sarah!" He said, grinning. "You look cute."

"Th-Thank you..." She could barely speak. "You look cute too. Er- Handsome!"

Hide _did_ think she was cute. She had blue eyes. And her blonde hair was natural. A lot of Japanese guys liked the way foreign girls looked. Also, she was really petite for an American.

But that was all she was. Cute. There wasn't anything super interesting about her. She would stand several inches away from him as they walked. She could barely maintain eye contact when they talked. Not to mention, Hide was the one who was holding up the conversation. She didn't really say anything about herself, just asked him questions. And they were super annoying questions. Like, about his family, and school, and if he had pets...

... And about Kaneki.

He didn't like talking about Kaneki with her. He didn't like the way she said his name. As if she were talking about a cockroach she had found in her kitchen that morning. He could tell what she was thinking. That Ken was going to get in the way of his and hers relationship.

She wasn't wrong.

He walked her to her door. Their date was over. She said she would see him at school on Monday.

They didn't go on another date.

* * *

 **From:** takayar

 **To:** hideyoosh007

 **Subject: Rsps:** Absences.

Nagachika-kun,

You have yet to come in for tutorials and make-up work. I understand it can be tough with parents. But I don't think you are ready for the exams.

Please do not be disappointed if your grade isn't satisfactory.

Sincerely, Takaya-sensei.

* * *

"Summer-time is watermelon time." Kaneki was struggling to carry the giant fruit. Hide gave him a hand and carried it inside for him. "I haven't eaten watermelon in so long."

"Then you'll be happy to know my mom cuts it the best!" Hide says.

"Good." Kaneki smiles and rests against the counter. "I'm glad to have a break from school. Aren't you, Hide?"

"Duuh." Hide pulls out his phone and texts his mom, telling her to hurry home to cut the watermelon. "Let's go upstairs while we wait. I'll race you."

He takes off, running up the stairs, Kaneki laughing behind him.

* * *

Hide had never masterbated before.

He remembers one time his dad had come up to his room and said they should talk about "urges" Hide was going to have.

 _Sometimes,_ his dad had said, _you might dream of a pretty girl. Or see a pretty girl on the computer. You should know, Hideyoshi, that having these urges are perfectly normal. So if you ever, uh,_ act _on those urges, just know that it isn't weird._

For a while he had thought that he was weird for _not_ feeling the urges. He never saw a girl and thought "Wow, I really want to do stuff with her." One time, he even looked at porn. He tried to feel something as he watched the girl moan and finger herself. But instead he just felt awkward. Later into the video, the guy who she was supposed to be having sex with entered. It was a stupid situation where a pizza was being delivered and the delivery guy walked in and found her like that. Then she asked him to join her and they started kissing and stuff. He didn't really care until the guy started undressing. He felt like weird tingling feeling in his gut, and he started to get really hot. He was shocked at seeing the size of the guy, but before he could even register what was happening, his mom knocked on the door and he quickly shut off the computer.

When she came in his room and put his hands in his lap and couldn't keep his face from being hot.

* * *

High School was horrible. Hide couldn't wait until they graduated. But then he knew College was just after that.

It's only been two weeks into school, but he was already drowning in homework. He didn't know how Kaneki was staying so calm about it. Then again, Ken was really smart.

But so was Hide.

* * *

There was a ghoul attack.

His mom was making a big deal about it when he had come home from school one evening. She talked about how Hide _had_ to walk his sister to school and back now before he walked with Kaneki. Hide didn't understand what the big deal was. The attack happened in Daisen, and they lived all the way in Tokyo. It wasn't like a ghoul was going to come all the way to Tokyo to eat a 15-year old and his little sister.

He had to do it anyways.

* * *

Kaneki's aunt was a bitch.

Hide didn't usually cuss, but that was the only word he could think of whenever he thought of her.

She barely hugged him. She barely talked to him. She didn't even _feed_ him right. Hide's mom could get on his nerves, but at least she was a good one.

In fact, his mom had really taken a liking to Kaneki. She rarely ever approved of his friends but for some reason she really liked Ken. She even started referring to him as "son." Hide could tell that Kaneki loved the attention. And Hide loved his mom.

They barely even fought anymore.

* * *

"Hey Kaneki, can't you put that book down?"

"No."

"Come o-o-on! Please? For me?"

"No."

"Ken! Do you love that book more than you love me?"

"... No."

"You hesitated!"

"Hide." Kaneki finally set the book down. "What is it?"

Now that he had Ken's attention, he forgot what he was going to say. He kind of froze up as soon as Kaneki looked at him with those soft black eyes. He had been doing that lately- freezing up whenever Kaneki looked at him. Kaneki was so pale he looked like a doll. Hide started to think funny things. Like, when Ken's face would turn red when he was embarrassed or got upset, Hide would think he looked cute. Or, when Kaneki would do something for Hide, he would have this sudden rush of affection towards him, and all he wanted to do was hold him and keep him there forever.

"Hide!" Kaneki was waving his hand in front of Hide's face. "I put my book down for you."

"Oh, right!" Hide sat up. "Let's go on a date."

"A date?"

"Mm! A coffee date. Just you and me."

Kaneki smiled and rolled his eyes. "Sure, Hide, we can go on a 'date.'"

Hide could tell that Ken thought it was a joke, but his heart beat fast anyways. He hoped that one day, it wouldn't be funny anymore.

* * *

His sisters 12th birthday was coming up, and she won't let Hide forget for one second.

She keeps leaving notes for him everywhere throughout the house. Things like, _A special day is coming up!_ or _Remember when I was born? Wasn't it great?_ He knew she wanted this new _Free!_ poster that came out with the movie.

"Yuki-chan..." Hide says, watching his sister jump up and down on his bed. "I have to go to sleep."

"Aniki!" Yuki grabs his hands while jumping. " _Make us free, na splash-_ "

"Y-u-u-ki-chan! I don't have time to sing with you. I have school tomorrow. And so do you." He picks her up and spins her around.

"But Aniki-,"

"No buts." His sister giggles at his response. "Sleep. Now."

"Oka-a-y..." She squeezes him in a hug before running out of his room. Hide sighs and turns off the lights, closes his door, and plops onto his bed. He sits there in the dark for a few seconds before setting his alarm and laying down to sleep.

* * *

 **From:** hideyoosh007

 **To:** ka-neko-neki

 **Subject:** Book signing?

Yo Kaneki!

Your favorite author is in town doing a signing thing for that new book you love _more than me_. You wanna go after school?

-Your best friend \\(^o^)/

* * *

 _"You know..."_ _Hide takes a bite out of his Onigiri. "I heard that if you read too much, your eyes can become useless. Cause you're concentrating too hard, so it puts a lot of pressure on your eyes, and you can go blind."  
_

 _"No way!" Kaneki looks frightened. "I-Is that really true?"_

 _"Nah. I just wanted you to look up from that thing."_

 _"Oh." Kaneki sets the book down and smiles. "Sorry. It was my fathers."_

 _Hide nods in understanding. They had only been friends for a month now, but they hung out with each other everyday. He guessed that was what happened when you only had one real friend. You just stayed with each other all the time._

 _Since they were always together, he started noticing things about Kaneki that were really interesting to Hide. Like, how when he lied, he put his hand up to his chin. Or that when he got frustrated, he stuttered a lot and his face got red. Or how he always had a book with him. Specifically, this one book by Takatsuki Sen._ The Black Goat's Egg, _it was called. That was the book Kaneki had been reading when they first met. When he had asked what it was about, Kaneki said it followed the story of a Ghoul and its struggles through life._

 _Hide didn't really know what a Ghoul was, and he was sure that Kaneki didn't really know, either. In fact, he was sure that Kaneki barely understood half of what he was reading._

 _But he didn't tell him these things. Kaneki seemed to enjoy being clueless. It was his dads book, after all._

* * *

Maybe he should have just not said anything.

Because now, he and Kaneki were fighting. They hardly ever fought. But, Kaneki was being ridiculous. He didn't get what it could be like with parents. Every time Hide complained about his mom or dad, Kaneki always, _always_ stood up for his parents. And it was just down-right annoying.

 _"Kaneki, trust me."_ Hide had said. _"They can be s-o-o-o frustrating sometimes."_

 _"Hide you can't always blame them. They're your parents. They just do what's best for you."_

 _"So I'm wrong for not wanting to do family night? They knew I had tutoring."_

 _"Well," Kaneki was faltering. "...maybe they just missed you."_

 _"They grounded me! All because I said 'No' just this once! They can be so stupid."_

 _"Hide, don't talk about them like that."_

 _"If you had parents, you'd know what it was like!"_

After that, Kaneki got all huffy and left Hide at the school lot. Hide knew he should have gone after Kaneki, but he was too fired up to do anything. So they weren't speaking to each other.

He hated it.

Since they weren't talking, he didn't have anyone to walk with after he dropped off his sister. He couldn't talk about random thoughts he would have. There wasn't anyone to hang out with.

And plus, he missed Kaneki.

They ran into each other in the empty hall after school and murmured apologies. Hide started towards the doors but was stopped. He looked down at his arm that Kaneki had taken ahold of.

"I'm sorry." Kaneki was whispering. "I don't want us to be mad at each other anymore."

"Why are you apologizing?" Hide turned towards him. Kaneki let go of his arm. "I'm a real jerk for what I said. I'm sorry."

"We're both jerks."

That made Hide laugh. He hugged Kaneki. He couldn't help it.

They didn't fight again.

* * *

It was Hide's junior year when the girl died.

Her name was Tachibana Mei. She had been in Class C, Hide's class. She didn't talk much except for when she was with her friends from Class A.

Mei had been attacked and killed by a Ghoul.

It was surprising. There had never been a Ghoul attack in Tokyo. The CCG issued safety laws.

-There was a curfew of 10 p.m. If you were out past curfew, you had to head to a CCG port and get escorted back home.

-Blood tests had to be taken at all schools. They said that it was to check for RC levels in the blood, if there were any at all.

-If you discovered any Ghoul activity, you had to report to the CCG immediately, and if you hid information about a Ghoul then you would be taken into the CCG and questioned. You only got one strike.

-If you harbored a Ghoul in your home you could be put in jail.

And, the most important one:

-Do. Not. Feed. Ghouls.

Everything was hectic for a little while. People had to get used to the new rules. But then, it started to become normal, and eventually they weren't even enforcing the rules anymore.

Most of them, anyways.

* * *

"Mom, please..." Hide was blushing. "Stop crying already."

"I-I can't h-help it!" She was squeezing him in a hug. "My baby is g-g-graduated!"

"Yeah, I am... You can let go now."

His mom released him and stood back. She looked a bit embarrassed herself, but she smiled. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks mom." Hide said.

"And you too, Ken-chan." She turned to Kaneki who had been standing to the side, watching the scene. "I'm very, very proud of you as well."

Kaneki bushed. "T-Thank you."

"And you both enrolled at Kamii University! I know you will both get in."

"That's what we're hoping for." Kaneki said.

Hide cleared his throat. It was like he and Ken were married or something, he thought. He liked the feeling.

"Why couldn't you have waited for me?" Yuki huffed and crossed her arms. "Aniki!"

"Sorry that you were born late." Hide grinned down at her. "You'll be a freshman when I'm a freshman."

Yuki beamed. "So we're the same level!"

"In a way."

"Hide," Kaneki pulled on his sleeve. "We should go get our stuff."

Hide nodded and waved goodbye to his family, and followed Kaneki back to the school.

* * *

He was at work when Kaneki called.

Hide asked his boss if he could step out, and his boss said it was okay. When he answered the phone, it was silent. But then he heard the sniffles and knew something was wrong.

"Kaneki?" Hide asked. "What happened?"

"I went to g-go get my s-stuff..." Kaneki was choking back sobs. "From Auntie..."

"What stuff? I thought you already got everything."

"The..." Kaneki took a deep breath. "The books."

His dads books. Hide grew silent.

Kaneki continued. "S-She didn't give them t-to me... They w-wouldn't let me back in... H-Hide... I don't know what to do."

"Ken." Hide kept his voice steady. "Where are you right now?"

"At the bus stop b-by Auntie's apartment."

"Stay there."

"Huh? H-Hide-,"

He hung up before Kaneki could say anything else. Hide was furious. There was this hot, boiling feeling rising up in him. How could Kaneki's aunt treat him like that? How could she be so _evil_?

He jumped on his bike and left work without saying anything. It took him 15 minutes to get to Kaneki's aunts. Hide spotted Kaneki sitting on the bench dejectedly. Exactly where he said he would be.

Kaneki looked up when Hide got closer. "We can just go..."

Hide walked past him and headed up the stairs to the second floor where Kaneki's aunt stayed. When he got to the door he knocked three times and waited. He could hear shuffling on the other side of the door and it swung open. Kaneki's aunt stared at him, and then Ken, and then back at Hide.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"Ken's books."

"You mean his dads."

"I mean _his_." Hide pointed at Kaneki. "Give them to him."

"No." She looked down at Hide. "They're ours now."

"Okay." Hide set his shoulders. Then, he pulled out his phone and slowly started to dial a number. "I wonder what the police are going to think when they found out you're keeping Kaneki away from his own property."

Ken's aunt faltered. "There's no way you can prove it's his."

"When there's a _will_..." Hide mocked. "There's a way."

She glared at him. Her fingers tightened on the door and she looked back into the house, as if for backup.

"Ten minutes." She said finally. "If you're not out of here by then, _I'll_ be the one calling the police."

* * *

Kaneki was in an accident. Hide didn't get a lot of information from the nurse who had called him. As he rushed to the hospital, a million things that could have happened to Kaneki passed through his head.

 _Hit by a car- Mugged- Eaten by an alligator- Stabbed in the back- Went into a coma- Fell off a building-_

He didn't expect ...a _ttacked by a Ghoul_. He didn't expect _... girl he was with..._ He didn't expect _... immediate surgery..._

He didn't expect it to be all his fault.

They wouldn't let him see him until they were sure he was stable. Every second that went by as he sat in the waiting room felt like an hour. He couldn't keep himself from shaking, sweat had broken out across his forehead. The nurse who ran the front tried giving him water, but he ended up dropping it. She tried to assure him that Kaneki was going to be OK. And he tried to believe her.

At one point, he started to cry. He thought about what he would do if Kaneki didn't make it through the surgery. If he died. The world seemed bland and colorless. All his energy was drained, just by _thinking_ about it.

A doctor entered into the emergency room. He smiled when he saw Hide, and said that he was Dr. Kanou. He went over what happened, and said that Ken had an organ transplant. Hide nodded, still feeling nervous. Finally, Dr. Kanou gave him the good news. Kaneki had made it through the surgery.

* * *

Every time he went to see Kaneki in the hospital, the nurse told him that he wasn't feeling well.

She was nice and said she would pass on a message to Kaneki. Hide would smile and tell her to say he says to text him, and then would wave goodbye and leave. It happened three times.

The last time he went, she said that Kaneki was going to be released that day. He thought that maybe he could finally see his friend, but she said that Kaneki would be too tired and he should wait until the next day.

So he left the hospital and went to the store. He bought all of Kaneki's favorite foods and wrote him a letter. Then he left it on Kaneki's door, and decided to wait for Kaneki to come to him.

Kaneki never did.

* * *

"Is there a particular reason that you have for joining?"

Hide shook his head.

"Do you have any prior experience with Ghouls?"

Hide shook his head.

"Do you have any former training?"

Hide shook his head. Again.

The man sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Nagachika-kun... I don't think we can accept you."

"Why?" Hide asked. "Don't you always have newbies?"

"Yes, we do, but they are usually more... qualified."

"I'm plenty qualified."

"I don't see anything on your papers that is worth talking about..." The man held up Hide's information. "You're just a normal college student. Why should we accept you?"

"You should accept me because I can be the best detective around here."

The man chuckled at Hide. "This isn't a game, you know."

Hide narrowed his eyes at the man. "What was your name again?"

"Matsuri-,"

"Matsuri-san." Hide said. "I understand that I may not seem like much. But if you could just give me a chance, you'll see what I can do. Can't you put me anywhere?"

The man, Matsuri, rests his chin on his hands and stares at Hide. It's silent for a few moments. Hide worries that he's pushed it too far. Just before he can apologize, Matsuri reaches into a drawer in his desk and sets a piece of paper in front of Hide.

"Fill this out and then turn it in to the Central Office." Matsuri stands and holds his hand out to Hide. "Welcome to the CCG, mail boy."

* * *

Hide knew that Kaneki was a ghoul.

It was funny to Hide how Kaneki thought he could keep it a secret from him. Hide figured it out pretty quickly. He had already overheard Ken's conversation with the manager at the coffee shop... But he didn't know if it was true or if it was the medicine they gave him. When they had gone to Big Girl and Kaneki ended up barfing his food up, Hide was a little suspicious. Even more so when he went to the coffee shop and Kaneki told him to stay away, and that there were bad people around there. Hide had laughed it off and asked what kind of bad people.

Kaneki thought Hide didn't hear him when he said "Me."

* * *

"Hideyoshi." Akira had her hands on her hips. "You have to be quicker than that."

"I'm trying..." Hide was gasping to catch a breath.

"Akira..." It was Amon. "Maybe we should take a break."

"Never." Akira responded. "He needs to train. We can't send him out into the field like this."

"We can't push him-,"

"Yes we can."

"But he could-,"

"No." She turned back to Hide. "Get up."

Hide reluctantly stood. His knees were a little wobbly, but he managed to stay upright. Akira nodded her approval.

"Do I have to start from the beginning?" Hide asked.

"Mm."

"Can't we just-,"

"No." Akira stepped back and tilted her head towards Amon. "He's going easy on you. I could ask Arima-san to come and train you personally, if you'd prefer."

Hide paled and shook his head.

"Then start again."

* * *

Touka was trying to make him feel better, he could tell. He felt bad for her. She was being strong for him, even though he knew that she was hurting too.

"So don't worry about him, okay?" She said. "He'll show up soon."

"You're probably right..." Hide stared down into his coffee. Then he yelled out and slammed his fist on the table. "Damn that Kaneki! Running off like that without even telling his best friend anything... Such a jerk."

"You're right." Touka smiled. "That is jerk-ish."

"You know, Touka-chan, Kaneki used to be quite the actor." He paused. "He was in a play, you know. The lead... Yeah, hard to believe, huh? But he loved it. He looked so happy at curtain call, when everyone clapped for him."

"I didn't know that."

"That's just cause Ken is a real shy guy!" Hide looked down at his watch. "I have to head to work."

Touka walked with him to his bike. He stepped up on it and hesitated.

"Touka-chan... There's something else you should know. When Kaneki is lying, he holds his hand up to his chin, like this." Hide lifted his left hand up, touching his chin lightly. He gave her a small smile. "Bye-bye, Touka-chan!"

"See you later!" Touka waved at him as he took off down the street.

* * *

It was useless. Amon was already down the hall. Hide stood there with his mouth open. Kaneki was attacking the CCG? Why? Hide didn't know what was going on.

What he did know was that Amon was going to intercept Kaneki before Arima could.

He yelps when he gets smacked on the back. "What are you doing here?" It's Takizawa.

"Seidou-san. Where are you...?"

"I'm heading to the front lines." Takizawa tries for a smile. "Make sure my dog hasn't eaten my will, okay?"

"Don't joke." Hide was shaking. "It's not funny."

"I'll be fine, Hide. You should head back towards the central part of the building. That Centipede is attacking from the West side. Be careful, okay?" Takizawa jogs through the doorway and down the hall Amon had disappeared into. Hide is about to head after him when the door is shut.

"You should listen to him." Akira is suited up for battle. "Central building. You'll be safe there."

"But I want to go-"

"Hideyoshi." She sets a hand on his shoulder. "You'll just get in the way."

* * *

There was a weird calm that had taken over Hide as he made his way through the sewers. Each step he took, he felt closer to Kaneki. Closer to the right direction. He didn't really know what to expect when he saw Kaneki for the first time in months. He didn't think it would be a happy reunion.

Amon and Seidou were dead. He witnessed members from Aogiri finish them off. Luckily he got out of there before they noticed, but his guilt slowed him down. He kept thinking he could have stopped them. But what _could_ he have done? He would have just been another casualty.

He could hear Kaneki before he saw him. It hurt him to listen to the agonizing screams that drifted from the direction he was heading. The screams of his friend.

As he came closer and closer to Kaneki, he thought of what he could say. _Don't worry, you don't have to hide it anymore; It's going to be alright; Just breathe..._

Instead, he said, "Yo, Kaneki."

He almost cringed at the lameness of it.

It got Kaneki's attention. He had become still. His head was tilted and he was staring at Hide like he was looking at a ghost. Hide became very nervous, but not because he thought Kaneki was scary. He was suddenly aware of his appearance, dressed in CCG body armor. He didn't want Kaneki to get the wrong idea; that he betrayed him.

"Woah, that mask sure is something. Make-up that even Hollywood would be envious of." Hide starts walking towards Ken.

"Hi...de..." Kaneki's voice is muffled. He shakes his head. "No... No! It's a dream, it has to be a dream... Hide can't be here... If Hide were... he would think..."

"All this time, you've been suffering like this..." Hide blinked hard. "You don't need it anymore... The mask."

"Hide!" Kaneki started to realize Hide was very much there. "Y-You have to run! You don't understand... If you stay here, I might-"

"Who cares about that?" Hide bends down on his knee and places his hand on Kaneki's shoulder. "Let's just go home, already!"

Kaneki stiffens for a moment. Then, he grabs his head and starts screaming. Hide loses his concentration for a second. He stands and scratches his cheek.

"I... I want to help you." He offers, hoping Kaneki can hear him. "Judging by these barricades, there's no way a Ghoul can escape out of here without being caught... That's one bad wound, huh?"

Blood is gushing out from the injury Hide points out. He didn't notice it at first. He had been too occupied with thinking of a stupid entry line. Hide knew that Kaneki wouldn't be able to make it past Arima with his side open like that. He had lost too much blood. There was only one way that Kaneki could recover.

He needed to eat.

"Kaneki..." Hide's heart beat fast as he knelt in front of his friend once again. "Do you think that you can go all out for me, just one last time?"

* * *

"I'd rather eat from myself!"

"That's kind of counterproductive, huh, Ken?"

Hide was holding him close, smiling at the misfortune of it. He had been trying to get Kaneki to eat from him for 15 minutes now. He was a little surprised that there hadn't been any CCG Investigators running down to meet them. It looked like they decided to wait for the Centipede to come to them.

"I c-can't do it..." Kaneki had his face pressed against Hide's shoulder. "Please..."

"We don't really have another option, do we?"

Kaneki sobbed a response.

"Come on, Ken..." Hide rubbed his back a little. "It's not gonna kill me..."

"I don't k-know if I would... be able to s-stop myself..."

"So what you're saying is... I would taste so delicious that you would have to eat all of me?"

There was a small laugh from his friend. Hide joined him, and soon they were both laughing hysterically, which turned back into sobs for Kaneki.

"Maybe I... s-should have gone on t-that... date with you, H-Hide..." His back shook. "T-Then we wouldn't... be in this mess."

"Yeah." Hide held him tight. "Maybe."

* * *

It was a long time before Hide could forgive himself.

He had no right to do that to Kaneki. He was always finding new ways to justify his actions. One day, it might be because Kaneki didn't want to die. Another day, it would be because Arima would have been too powerful with a weapon from Kaneki's kagune. Or maybe, because that's what was best for the Ghoul and Human community.

But it really came down to Hide's own selfishness. The only other option for Ken had been death. And Hide didn't want Kaneki dead. He wanted him breathing. Living.

Even if Kaneki didn't remember him.

/

 **THE END.**

 **I know. I suck.**


End file.
